Already Languishing


In the week since I’ve announced the closing of the blog, I’ve had mixed feelings. The sadness of closing out a twelve year project, the sparse but quality interaction I’ve had with many of you, and the ability to spout my words and opinions with complete freedom. I really will miss this blog.

Where else can I spew my unresearched and knee-jerk opinions? I know Facebook is full of that exact sort of thing, but you were a self-selected sample of friends that I could do my little dance for and I knew that even when you didn’t agree with me, things would never get “ugly”. The same can not be said for other outlets… Can you imagine me throwing out my half-brained platitudes on a social media site where people are known for being overly-sensitive and keyboard-reactionary? It would be fun for about ten seconds and then it would be over.

So I will miss this. And I will miss all of you.

This is the final “regular” post of the DrummingBigBear blog. I’ll probably toss a few things up here in the coming month, but the MWF schedule is complete for August and we go dark in October. September will be like trying to teach something that last week of school before summer vacation…

Thank you once again for coming along for the ride, it has been… well, it’s been far too many words to write down. It has been everything, and I loved every second of it.

Thank you.


Pulled before my closing announcement post, here are some interesting stats about our blog…


All posts: 1733
My posts: 1632
Private: 19


Wade: 701
Zephyr: 100
Poppy: 75
Lisa: 57
Deb: 40
Jeff: 39
Innominato: 21
Thom: 17
And plenty others stopped by for a few one-off comments as well.

My comment responses: 394

Posts in Categories

1527     Chris
327       General Mayhem
273       Movies
223       Frustration and Anger
163       Music
138       Teresa
111      Wordsmith
107       Religion
75         Small Scripts
59         Audio Shows
43         Emperor-of-Earth™
33         Becca
19         Health
13         Lists
8            Playing With Food
5           Dream Sequence

Annual Numbers

2004 – 20*
2005 – 71
2006 – 100
2007 – 173
2008 – 191
2009 – 174
2010 – 158
2011 – 212
2012 – 117
2013 – 104
2014 – 99
2015 – 138
2016 – 100*

Monthly Numbers

The busiest month was November 2008 with 33 posts.  That was while I was living in Chicago.  I have been there a few months already and seen all the tourist spots and my road partner had been pulled off to another project.  I had nowhere to go, no one to see…

Aug – 06
Sep – 05
Oct – 02
Nov – 03
Dec – 04

Jan – 02
Feb – 03
Mar – 06
Apr – 05
May – 10
Jun – 08
Jul – 09
Aug – 01
Sep – 05
Oct – 06
Nov – 09
Dec – 07

Jan – 03
Feb – 02
Mar – 00
Apr – 00
May – 03
Jun – 06
Jul – 10
Aug – 08
Sep – 19
Oct – 16
Nov – 21
Dec – 12

Jan – 21
Feb – 12
Mar – 15
Apr – 15
May – 12
Jun – 14
Jul – 19
Aug – 18
Sep – 10
Oct – 17
Nov – 12
Dec – 08

Jan – 17
Feb – 16
Mar – 04
Apr – 10
May – 04
Jun – 18
Jul – 23
Aug – 12
Sep – 12
Oct – 15
Nov – 33
Dec – 27

Jan – 24
Feb – 21
Mar – 10
Apr – 10
May – 08
Jun – 14
Jul – 11
Aug – 12
Sep – 13
Oct – 15
Nov – 12
Dec – 24

Jan – 25
Feb – 12
Mar – 17
Apr – 15
May – 02
Jun – 09
Jul – 05
Aug – 15
Sep – 13
Oct – 20
Nov – 12
Dec – 13

Jan – 20
Feb – 18
Mar – 22
Apr – 16
May – 21
Jun – 15
Jul – 16
Aug – 17
Sep – 17
Oct – 17
Nov – 16
Dec – 17

Jan – 15
Feb – 11
Mar – 18
Apr – 09
May – 09
Jun – 10
Jul – 11
Aug – 12
Sep – 07
Oct – 07
Nov – 04
Dec – 04

Jan – 04
Feb – 00
Mar – 01
Apr – 09
May – 06
Jun – 09
Jul – 08
Aug – 11
Sep – 09
Oct – 07
Nov – 30
Dec – 10

Jan – 11
Feb – 04
Mar – 11
Apr – 08
May – 09
Jun – 04
Jul – 04
Aug – 06
Sep – 08
Oct – 13
Nov – 07
Dec – 14

Jan – 11
Feb – 13
Mar – 09
Apr – 08
May – 10
Jun – 15
Jul – 14
Aug – 08
Sep – 11
Oct – 16
Nov – 11
Dec – 12

Jan – 13
Feb – 13
Mar – 13
Apr – 13
May – 13
Jun – 13
Jul – 13
Aug – 09*
Sep –
Oct –

Music Friday 25


Is he being lazy? Two Music Fridays in a row?

Yes I’m lazy. How much time do you want me to sink into a dead blog?  And it’s another good sign off song…

“State of Euphoria” is an amazing Anthrax album. During the final week of high school, everyone was painting goodbye shit on their car windows. I used the phrase from this song. Five windows, five words…

Over, Finished, Done, Gone Out!


“Goodbye, Kids!”


Hey kids, what time is it?
That’s right… it’s time to put Clarabell down.  He’s had a good long run, but it’s over. Shoot him point blank in the back of the head, he’ll never feel a thing…

What in the hell is Morgan talking about?

This blog. It is time to say goodbye.

Yesterday marked the twelve year anniversary of my first post. I’ve had a great time but it’s time to close up shop.


We started this journey back in 2004, before the word “blog” was in widespread use. You had to explain to people what the hell a blog was. Now the word has come and gone and so has the concept of the blog. It’s a dead enterprise unless you are selling something. I’m not selling anything, I’m just a bum trying to keep you entertained. And hopefully in these twelve years together, I’ve done that on more than one occasion.

August 21, 2004. The first entry was simply an update on my attempts to create the space. I was eeking out some very basic HTML code and trying to find a way to add pictures. Then we moved servers, upgraded, changed things, reinvented ourselves a few times, tried to generate audio shows… All of it was an attempt to be your clown, to entertain you. I sincerely hope you enjoyed the show…

I’m sure you’ll want to know why.
Here are a few of my feeble reasons:

  • Financial. Yes, it costs money to run this thing and I’m not even denting the surface. Our good friend Wade has eaten much of the costs and it’s unfair to him to continue doing so. I cover the payments he reminds me of but I KNOW there have been years of unmentioned debt built up on this…


  • Finances are not the only reason. I can cover the cost if I plan for it. But I have to weigh the cost benefit. It costs “$X” to keep this thing on-air, and I have two consistent readers. It would be so much easier to just write these things up and e-mail it to two people… This is not a “woe is me, I’m so unpopular” lament, it’s just truth. I’ve looked back over the stats and there are more comments than I thought, I’m lucky to have each of you. Some of these people pop in and out and read the occasional entry, but day to day, I’m a nobody. Can I justify paying $X to continue being a nobody? Nope.


  •  Stress. I worry sometimes when I have nothing to post. So much so that I’ve burned out writing pap and I have nothing left to write up the good stuff. Last January I dedicated myself to making an entry on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday this year and up until this point, I’ve made it. But has any of it been any good? That’s subjective but I’m not especially proud of any of it. I think it might have been better to disregard the schedule and only post when I had something interesting to rant about. However, I was convinced that posting on a regular schedule would be better. I’m not sure how wrong I was, but I was not right.


  • Writing time. Not blogging will free up some essential writing time. I’ve slacked off on writing this year. Much of the time I used to dedicate to my stories has been eaten up by creating blog content. I’ll fill that time with my fiction once again. So I’ll still be writing just as much, but maybe I’ll get something done with it rather than just posting to post.


  • It’s just time.  I’ve said goodbye before (in much the same way it turns out…)  Very few will notice the absence. Again, not a pity-party, but seriously, who cares? It’s a blog. Blogs are dead as disco. With Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc… why would anyone read a blog anymore? That’s why I tried to reinvent the blog from time to time, create audio content, tried to keep the entertainment value up. Some of it succeeded, some failed.


  • All of this was fun and I sincerely thank you for enjoying the ride along with me. I had a blast.

Make no mistake, this is a celebration not a funeral.  We’ve done a twelve year run of nonsense and bullshit.  I think that’s pretty good.  I’m not sad or bitter, I’m happy and overjoyed that we had this space and time.  But it’s over now and time to say goodbye…

I have no idea why I love the melodramatic goodbye so much. I remember drafting up a resignation pre-WorldCom and it became an elaborate Shakespearian letter to the gods! The situation passed and I never had to quit, but that letter is still somewhere in my archived files and I wince at the thought that I once considered sending it.

There was always a “Never” post scheduled to drop two months in advance and I kept postponing it, resetting the schedule so that it never posted unless I died. A deadman’s post. It was a nice “goodbye” post with some thank yous and end-of-life appreciations. I reminded Teresa and Becca that I loved them… all the good death-bed shit.
Goodbye is so much fun when you let your stupid little ego run around unchained.

We’re scheduled to “go dark” on October 14th. I’ll keep posting little comments here and there but the end is coming soon, don’t be surprised by it.

And so it comes to this… the end…

Thank you.


Music Friday 24


And now, we come to the end…

Saigon.  Shit… I’m still only in Saigon.  Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back in the jungle…
This song will forever be inexorably intertwined with the opening of “Apocalypse Now”.

You can love or hate the Doors, and that’s probably based on your love or hate of Jim Morrison, but I love them.  Yes he’s a pompous and pretentious poet, but deep inside, so are each one of us…

What should I do?


The act of making a decision can be simple or painful, it depends on you. It may also depend on how important the perceived outcome will be.

I know people that have a difficult time answering “Where do you want to go for dinner?”

They weight the possibilities, they consider the options and they are never happy with what they decide because they “know” the alternatives were possibly better.

So you put your foot down and you make the decision. They are relieved because all the pressure is on you now. For better or worse, you are on the hook. If the decision was about dinner, the worst you can expect is heartburn.

But what about when the decisions are more intense?

  • Should I quit my job and join the circus?
  • Do we pull Granddad off life support?
  • Can I jump over that pond in my Honda Civic?

You fret and worry about the possibilities… but once the decision is made, you stick with it. No looking back. If you doubt your decision you’ll go back to fretting and worrying. Just weight the options, make the choice and go with it! The worry melts away and it feels so good to be on the back side of a decision…

“If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice!”

MTV Classic


VH1 Classic has become MTV Classic. And now I wait to see if I see less music than ever now that it’s officially MTV…

VH1 Classic was my last connection to videos. I’d watch “Behind the Music” on any band I was even remotely interested in and their “Metal Mania” was a block of old metal videos. That was about it. MTV has been dead to me for two decades and I thought this would finally be the end of music videos for me.

But I was wrong! MTV Classic replaced “Metal Mania” with “Headbangers” and it’s the same thing. I’ve been watching the show and they’ve been playing lots of the harder thrash metal, stuff that I love. Slayer, Exodus, Overkill. I’ve been getting some Motorhead, Anthrax and some of the underplayed Judas Priest too.

Teresa has been sitting beside me and giggling at me turning back into a teenager and getting pumped up at some of the old videos. She’s been commenting along, remembering some of the old songs I used to play when we were dating. Last night, she helped prove one of my oldest arguments…

We were laughing at the bands dressing in their girlfriend’s clothes, we laughed at the overt sexuality, potent masculinity and vulgar misogyny of undeniably ugly men. (Seriously, Blackie Lawless was not an attractive man and he didn’t age any better than Chris Holmes did…)

So a few more videos go by, Teresa is picking on some of my metal superheroes and commenting that they were an ugly lot (and they were). Then she points to the screen and says, “Now THAT is a good looking man! He’s a very attractive guy, so much prettier than Ronnie James Dio or Lemmy!

Kip Winger.

Kip fucking Winger

I bowed my head and smiled. My thesis has been proven, my entire argument has been validated. When they started worrying more about how bands looked and less about how they sounded, metal took a dive. She loves Sebastian Bach, I love Nicko McBrain! When record contracts were handed out to pretty boys rather than the guys who could actually play… well, it was one more nail in the metal coffin.

We know why it happened. Metal guys were broke, it was our girlfriends that were buying the tapes. If the record companies slapped a hot guy on the cover instead of a hot girl, the album sold more copies. We get it, we understand. But we don’t have to like it. And I don’t have to like your shitty overproduced glossy fancy-boys either. Is Kip Winger a competent bass player? Most certainly. Is he easy on the eyes? Sure is. Is he metal like Jeff Hanneman or Alex Skolnick? Nope, not even close.

So do you have to be ugly to play? No, of course not. Is it possible to be a metal god and a pretty-boy at the same time, sure, why not? But if you’re picking your frontman based on sex appeal and not on talent, you were part of the problem. Plenty of talent available but we got shit like Winger, Poison, Europe and Warrant because they knew it would sell.



Nothing exotic or crazy to report today. It’s been a heck of a week, I do have some of my standard boiling anger just beneath the surface that I want to expel but I’m just too tired to bring it forth. It’s not a physical tired, I’m just wiped out. Between worrying about Teresa and Becca on the long drive, taking care of those kids for three days and working hard to get caught back up at work, I just feel wiped out. So no rant today.

Instead, tell me your favorite “excitable” songs. The ones that you play on the way out of the parking lot on a Friday afternoon (even if your Friday is a Tuesday…) What gets you pumped up for your weekend?